Stream of Consciousness #5: Swallow It

Swallow the sky swallows in the sky look like hammers flying like boomerangs which I never understood, did you? How something could come back to you, how many things have I thrown that will just be coming back in the middle of the night tomorrow and I will have forgotten all about them, I wish you were my boomerang and I know that's already a song lyric but it's a good one and it wasn't fleshed out totally. How many people will I be before I die, I hate thinking about death but it's been unavoidable recently. Talking bout nothing, not thinking bout death, I used to think that line was so mature, so good but even then I didn't think about death, or I had this haughty attitude toward it or something, or maybe I had the perfect attitude, how did I become so fucked up over time, I swear if I could go back to being 16...how did I become so much wiser in some ways but so much more like a scared little kid in other ways? I really don't know and when did this become a trip to the psychologist or me fessing up well I guess it works that way when you spit your thoughts on a page. Page, page, Steven Page, I wish you wouldn't have left BNL, Page and Robertson is a classic like peanut butter and jelly and you guys should be able to be immortal somehow and I wish people would just all love Jesus but why don't they? I wish we could all get along but I know that's foolish but not really it's just foolish to have such a whitewashed idea of peace but is it so hard to believe that it could happen and does Jesus really reach more people's hearts than we think and we're just too caliced to understand that but I guess not because some people really do reject him outright and I sound like a five year old girl but I wish I could dream like one so that's OK. I wish I was a neutron bomb for once I could go off, I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on, for anyone who reads this know that sometimes I just put in lyrics from random songs and not all of these words are mine, but most of them are, I want to run through the wormhole into the wires, getting your water through a wire like eupghsl whatever that is, it's actually a kind of soap, soap that has water in it, like a jelly-filled doughnut, a shower that comes in solid form, the floodgates open, the rainbow is buried and the color can't be found, the clouds are in the trees and they're too tired to go back up so we push them but they're just depressed man, why do you have to pressure them? I don't know why sometimes I well really all the time need to find something to despair about but maybe it's just some disease and I'll shake it off somehow, that's where it starts, the things that you think are no big deal somehow do seem to be no big deal, but when someone tells you it's no big deal and you get pissed off it becomes a big deal, but it's not your fault if they don't say it nice, and I've already thought about this before I know I know, lamp shades are interesting.