Stream of Consciousness #3: The Sponge

I'm like a sponge getting ready to do what sponges do which is burst at least in my mind but that's not what they really do is it, they just absorb some of the stuff that's around them and release some of the stuff they had already absorbed like, yeah, that's probably what I'm like and that's what I'm scared of because I've had so much to say but I've just been holding it in, thinking no I can't go there because then I've got to wade through how I'm feeling, then I've got to keep thinking that I'm not OK but if I can just make it one more day and make the time that I'm not feeling OK into yesterday and not today and I can write about it like it was yesterday and not today then I'll be golden, then I won't have to answer questions like are you OK and I can just be like I went through a time in my life when this and this happened to me but it's all cool now man, it's all cool and they'll be like cool and I won't have to cry on stranger's shoulders and I can be strong like the rugged old mountains, oh the things they've seen, and oh the storms they've endured but now they're cool man, now they got it handled, they're young and old at the same time, there's nothing that can throw them. Well fuck that because I'm sick of letting everything in my mind rot or fly away or whatever that stuff does, gonna start putting the pen to the paper, the finger to the keyboard, the fist to the punching bag. I want to build my own mountain out of these words and make you pretty jealous or something like that but I don't actually want to make you stay jealous I just want to make you think it for a minute and then I'll be like hey man come up my mountain and you won't remember that you were jealous but maybe the fact that you were jealous for just a second will mean something. Dude I really don't want you to be jealous I just want you to hang out on my mountain and not wish you were hanging out on someone else's mountain OK? So is it all cool man? It's all cool man, it was cool cool, it was just all cool, but now it's over for me and no don't say it's over, don't dream it's over, stay forever and a day, that extra day makes all the difference, it really does, that's the day when all the cards are laid out, the day we laugh about what happened and watch the tape sitting around a big old coffee table with m&ms in little bowls.