This past weekend I went on a church retreat and it provoked a lot of thoughts...ranging from the monumental to the seemingly trivial (ah, but I would beg to differ that some things that seem trivial are anything but!)...
I've been thinking a lot about Christian-ese in general, things that we in Christian groups tend to say a lot and whether we're actually thinking about them when we say them, or whether we're being earnest...
Here's one I like: "what lies do you believe about yourself?"
Actually, this is a pretty good question to ask yourself. But to be honest, I find it a little unsettling that this is the kind of question that is asked in small groups, and then people answer right away, explaining in detail. I mean...if you believe a lie...then you think it's the truth, right? As in, you wouldn't be able to say, "I believe this lie" straightfaced.
Part of me marvels at the actual possibility of being able to believe something and know it's a lie (and I understand there is some reality to this scenario)...it shows how messed up our minds can be. But at the same time, I don't find it very healing, necessarily, to confess what "lies I believe", because when I search my heart, I can easily identify the things that it feels like I'm supposed to mention, but here's the thing: I have a lot of doubts and insecurities that no one can just wave away with their hand, like there's something written in the Universe that says they can't be true. They will have to be proven to be true or untrue. I don't know if they're lies. Many of the things I fear about myself could very well be true.
Another thing that's been grinding at me a little bit is how dishonest we can be when trying to be gracious...like telling someone that a mistake they made is "OK" or telling someone they did a great job when they clearly failed, however significant or insignificant the task. In both myself and others, I've been starting to pick out brutal dishonesty when it happens. Is this just the result of human limitations in communication and patience? Is it practical to on a regular basis to respond to moderate trespasses, inconveniences, and offenses with super-intentional and clear statements which both establish the offense and offer grace? I mean like someone showing up late for something (which I do way too much and should therefore probably be the recipient of the weight of my own suggestion), or someone paying you back for something an eternity after you lent them money. Typically we would just respond with "hey, it's OK," even if we really didn't feel that way. Is this the most God-honoring response for these kinds of thigs, or would we better serve each other and ourselves to say, "Hey man, I'm really not OK with the way you took so long to pay me back, but I forgive you..."? Hm...I guess you can chalk it up to the classic realist vs. idealist conflict.
One reason I love Jesus is that he was both the ultimate realist and the ultimate idealist.
The above thought also kind of goes with blind encouragement...like "you're so awesome!" or stretching to compliment someone in organized encouragement activities that we as Christians like to do. How many times can you say generic things like "I just see so much life in you!" to each person before it starts to lose its meaning?
I don't say all this because I am gagging on the idea of grace, or at least I don't believe that to be true. I guess I just have this dream of wondrous depth in the things we say...I long to see grace and truth kiss in our speech the same way mercy and justice are to kiss in our actions, the way they did on the cross.
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